


I'll Put This Bottle To My Lips (Every Time I Think Of Him)

by februarypatrick (hxmestuck)



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-14 23:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3430148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxmestuck/pseuds/februarypatrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>6 months after Franks death and Gerard isn't any better, in fact he's worse.<br/>All Gerard wants is Frank back, his love.<br/>All Gerard wants is peace and happiness, the kind of happiness that you can't find at the bottom of a bottle.</p>
<p>Mikey is there, but that isn't good enough.<br/>Gerard just wants his Frank.<br/>He want's him back or he'll just go and join him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You can't leave me, you said you'd be here forever.

He sat there, clutching on to the failing body of Frank.  
"Please, please just stay here!" Gerard pleaded, his voice fragile and weak as he put every ounce of his energy into keeping the other alive in some way.  
"You can't leave me, you said you'd be here forever." Gerard felt the beat of Frank's heart slow and faltering slightly, under the darkening sky, he knew this was it; he knew this was the end and he couldn't let go. The tears clung to the rim of his eyes as he looked down, choked sobs leaving his mouth in an attempt to stay sane.  
“Hey Gerard…Gee please don't cry.." Frank managed to say, his voice raspy from exhaustion of trying to hold on.  
"How can I not cry Frank! You’re dying in my own fucking arms and you’re telling me not to cry!" Gerard replied from above him, the tears falling down his cheeks like the tracks from a train, forever continuous. His sobs growing louder as he gripped onto his partner’s hand.  
"Don't cry because I'm going...I'll always be beside you sweetheart and you know that." Frank whispers, his blinks growing slower, his eyes staying shut for longer each time.  
"I don't care, I want you to be alive and next to me! Who else am I going to say I love you too if not you?!." Gerard exclaimed, his body forcing every emotion out, pleading to the gods above that Frank would fight through this and he would survive.  
"...I'm sorry. Gerard please, you know I love yo-" and with that, the grip on Gerards hand loosened and fell numbly to his partners side.  
Screams fell from Gerards mouth onto deaf ears, the pleads, the cries, the pain. There was an unforgivable sense of guilt that followed as he clutched onto the others lifeless body. The guilt you only feel if you realise you didn’t try hard enough, you didn’t succeed. The guilt you only feel when you realise that their time is up and you couldn’t do anything to stop it.

-

6 months had been and gone since Frank had passed due to a god-forsaken accident.

6 damned months and Gerard was awful.

-

“Gerard?.” A voice called from the other side of the door leading to the apartments lobby hallway.  
Gerard didn’t reply. He stayed propped against the counter of his kitchenette, a bottle in his hand.  
“Gerard, I know you’re in there.” The voice said again.  
Gerard lifted the bottle to his lips, the initial burn on his chapped lips was only an insight to the pain he was feeling.  
“Fuck off.” Gerard said, his voice sore, scratchy, rough.  
Regardless of the words Gerard said, the door handle turned, a soft clicking noise indicating the person on the other side had a key.  
A tall figure made its way round the door, sighing as it located the other male slumped against the counter.  
“Gerard.” The mans voice came out stern before softening as Gerard’s tired eyes looked up to meet his.  
The male slumped against the counter shook his head before taking another swig from the bottle in his hand, scrunching his eyes shut as the alcohol hit the back of throat, leaving a slightly satisfactory burn at the back of his throat.  
“Mikey, I said fuck off.” Gerard semi-repeated, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.  
“I’m not going to leave you if you’re like this” Mikey sighed as he walked closer to his brother, crouching down, taking the bottle from Gerard’s hand.  
Gerard didn’t retaliate as it was taken, he just looked up at Mikey, his breathing becoming more erratic every second.  
Mikey looked at his brother, noticing his breathing, thus bringing him into a hug to which Gerard gladly took, sinking into his brothers arms as tears escaped his eyes like they were desperate to leave.  
“I miss him.” Was all Gerard could muster as Mikey held him closer, comforting him.  
“I know…we all do.” Mikey said as he started to stand up, holding Gerard in his arms. He half carried Gerard to the couch, setting him down before going around the flat, picking up discarded bottles of alcohol and various packets of cigarettes.  
Gerard curled up a little on the couch, as the sounds of Mikey moving around sounded deafeningly loud. The alcohol pulsing through his body making his vision hazy.  
“Gee, you gotta stop doing this to yourself.” Mikey said softly as he finished picking up the remains of whatever Gerard has consumed in the last week, walking back to the couch as sitting next to his brother.  
“I don’t care Mikey.” Gerard retaliated, his voice broken, painfully so.  
“I do.” His brother replied, his gaze falling upon Gerard as he pulled the blanket from the back of the couch over Gerard, the sunlight outside cascading through the blinds like the reflection upon the sea.

-

“Gerard! Gee, look!” Frank called, a grin upon his face as he called Gerard over, pointing at a shallow pool in the sand.  
Gerard ran over quickly, looking into the pool that Frank was pointing at, seeing two minuscule crabs scuttling across the bed of the sand.  
“Aren’t they cool?” Frank asked, watching Gerard before entranced by the water below them both.  
They both eventually stopped looking at the animals, standing up and walking along the beach where the seawater met the sand.  
“Hey, Gerard, can I tell you something?” Frank asked, an innocent tone to his voice as he connected his pinky finger with Gerard’s.  
“Go ahead Frank.” Gerard said, looking ahead of him as he searched along the horizon at the endless sea of blue.  
“Gerard, I’m in love with you.” Frank said as if it was nothing, tightening the grip on the others a pinky before leaning across, pressing a kiss to the others cheek.  
Gerard’s cheeks filled with a soft blush, a mixture of red against dappled pink.  
“I’m in love with you too Frank, always have been, always will.” Gerard replied, Franks face filling with glee before eventually entwining his fingers between the others.

-

Gerard awoke, sometime in the afternoon as the sunlight has turn into a dark orange glow, soon turning to red.  
The male sat up, rubbing his head as the hangover he had received during his sleep was still fairly prominent. Shuffling the blanket off his, he swung his feet over the side of the couch, the pads of his feet coming in contact with the cold oak flooring. He looked across, a note on his coffee tabled indicated that Mikey had left, saying that he’d return sometime in the next few days.  
Gerard stood up, rubbing his eyes as a dull pain emitted from behind his eyes. He made his way to the sink, finding a glass and filling it up with water before drinking as much as he could.  
Sighing deeply, Gerard made his way to his record player, sitting in front of it before flipping through the records, his eyes settling on Leonard Cohen –Suzanne which he placed lightly on the record player, letting the needle touch the outer ridge.  
Gerard sat cross-legged, his head in his hands as he pulled his jumper over him a little.  
The song started, and Gerard just sat, closing his eyes as he sang the lyrics softly under his breath, tears trickling down his cheeks as he did.  
The night closed in, moonlight shone through the partly closed blinds of the apartment as Gerard made his way to his room, by-passing the bathroom with the numerous bottles of un-finished alcohol and straight to his double bed, curling up and just lying, no thoughts, no words, just silence.


	2. Am I Here?

'1 text - Mikey!'  
The phone screen flashed with a partnering buzz as Gerard turned away from the morning sun spilling through his blinds.  
The phone screen lit up again.  
'2 texts - Mikey!'  
Gerard sighed as he sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes thoroughly before reaching for his phone.  
\- 'You're coming to dinner with Pete and I tonight, you aren't saying no, you know you need to get out that flat, I'll text you when I'll pick you up, it'll probably just be us for a bit. - M '  
\- 'Love you though - M x'  
Gerard sighed again, turning side ways, letting his legs rest against the bed's edge.  
"Christ.." Was all Gerard could muster to himself before he stood up and looked around for a sweat shirt.

Once he had located said sweat shirt, he wandered into the main part of the complex before standing by the counter, looking around.

-  
"Gerard, this flat, holy shit it's brilliant!" Frank whispered as they both looked around the flat they were going to purchase.  
"You like it?" Gerard asked, squeezing Franks hand a little as he spoke.  
"Like it? I love it! It's the perfect size" Frank replied before looking up at the other, smiling.  
-  
Gerard forced back the influx of tears as he looked in the cupboards for something edible.  
Alas, there was nothing of the sort, just some kind of tinned sweetcorn that was probably well past it's sell by date and various pills which littered the cupboards shelf top.

His phone buzzed in his pocket as he pulled it out, tapping the screen momentarily before reading the text.  
'I'm picking you up in about half an hour, thought we could get coffee and spend a little time together as I've hardly even seen you - M x'

Gerard smiled somewhat at the text before heading back to his room, stopping by the bathroom.  
While he was in the bathroom, he located the shower gel and actually had a proper shower.  
He shivered at the initial chill of the water as it hit his skin, the piercing sensation soon warming into actual heat filled water droplets.

After Gerard was done in the bathroom, he changed into casual attire which consisted of his black jeans, converse, a plain burgundy shirt and an over coat.

He waited for his hair to dry before heading back into the main room, collecting his phone from the counter where he had left it.  
He unlocked his phone and sent a text to Mikey.  
'I'm waiting - G x'  
before receiving a text almost immediately.  
'And I'm outside - M x'  
which was followed by a knock at the door.  
Gerard stood up a little straighter before making his way to the door and opened it, looking up at his younger brother. Mikey always looked so...good. He always had this glow about him, making him look so alive whereas Gerard just looked tired, pale and bleary eyed.

"You ready then?" Mikey asked, his voice soft as he spoke, smiling before stepping back, letting Gerard out of the door.  
"Ready than I'll ever be" Gerard nodded, his voice a little better than yesterday, locking his door behind him, following his brother down the flight of stairs ahead of them. 

Gerard stayed close to his brother as he walked down the stairs, keeping his eyes down.   
"So, Pete. When did you get back in contact with him?" Gerard asked, interested an wanting to make light conversation.  
"A couple weeks back, yknow because we were so close I felt it was nice to contact him, we've been hanging out a couple of days a week so..." Mikey trailed off as he walked out the lobby doors, holding them open for Gerard to walk through and made his way to the car to which Gerard followed suite.

 

//  
(???)

He recognised this place. This place was so familiar. It was so clear, but he wasn't alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally updated this lmfao

**Author's Note:**

> Sad feelings call for sad Frerard.


End file.
